What You Need to Know About Shyness

by Royane Real

Shyness is a very common human condition that affects nearly every person at one time or another.

In most people, shyness appears in a very mild, fleeting form and it appears to have no lasting negative effect.

Some people suffer from shyness that is so severe, that it prevents them from having happy relationships and successful careers.  

Those who suffer from severe shyness may feel extremely uncomfortable physical sensations such as panic attacks, anxiety, sweating, blushing and trembling, when they are around other people.   They may also experience an intense inner barrage of harsh negative thoughts and self criticism. 

Shy people may be harshly criticising their own social performance even while they are overwhelmed with waves of shame and feelings of inadequacy.

The negative inner thoughts and the uncomfortable physical sensations that people experience as shyness can cause the person who is shy to feel acutely self conscious, unable to speak and unable to make eye contact.  They may experience physical symptoms which may include blushing, squirming, trembling, and profuse sweating.

In some shy people, these extreme symptoms will appear much more commonly than in others.  Some people will experience these unpleasant negative feelings and thoughts very intensely and very frequently, while for others, the feelings come in a mild form and soon pass.

Because these very unpleasant sensations and thoughts are set off when the shy person is around other people, many shy people adopt the strategy of avoiding others, even when the result is that they feel very lonely.

When shyness is present in a very severe or acute form, psychologists and psychiatrists call it “social anxiety disorder”.

Shyness researchers don’t completely agree about whether the kind of severe shyness that can completely disable a person’s life is just a more extreme version of the type of shyness experienced by many people, or whether extreme shyness is a totally different kind of disorder.

Extreme shyness can have many contributing factors. There may be a biological component to acute shyness, but a mild case of shyness can be made worse by negative  childhood experiences.  Very shy people may also have other problems such as perfectionism, anxiety, depression and poor self esteem.

There is some evidence that people who become extremely shy in later life were exceptionally sensitive to outside stimulation even as babies.  These people were much more easily startled when they were infants and were more easily overwhelmed by new situations.

Some shyness researchers believe that very shy people have a nervous system that is much more sensitive to outside stimulation than the nervous system of the average person.  A level of sensory stimulation that other people might find tolerable will seem absolutely overwhelming to the very shy person.

Shyness can be puzzling because it can take many different forms.  Quite often, a person who is very shy in one situation may feel completely comfortable in another.

Some shy people may experience paralyzing fear when they are in small gatherings of people, yet these same people may feel very comfortable perfoming on stage in front of thousands of people.  Many famous actors and actresses claim they are actually very shy when they don’t have a script to follow.

Some people who are very shy can function well and feel comfortable when they are in small groups of people, but feel very uncomfortable when they are in large groups.

In some people, shyness only shows up when they first meet someone new, but goes away as they get to know the other person better. 

And some very shy people never feel comfortable around others, even if they have known them for a long time.     

A mild degree of shyness will probably not have very serious negative consequences, but the effects of severe shyness can be disabling. Extreme shyness can interfere with a person’s ability to make friends, have a successful career, or find a suitable mate.

Remember that some degree of shyness is common in human beings, especially when meeting new people in new situations. 

If you suffer from extreme shyness, there is now a lot of help available on line, and in books.  There are therapists who specialize in the treatment of shyness disorders, and there are now drugs which seem to ease the symptoms of shyness in some people.

No matter what degree of shyness you have, you can learn techniques to handle shyness  better and experience a much better social life. 

This article is written by Royane Real who is the author of “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” To improve your social life, download it today for just $16.76.